Guest Post: Business Copywriting Makeover That Makes Honey Even Sweeter

(Note from Dan: This post and the previous one are “Guest Posts” By Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero: the Award-winning marketer, world-renowned copywriter and creator of “The She Factor” Her copywriting insights and courses are well worth your time an effort to read and learn from.)

Copy Makeover That Makes Honey Even Sweeter

By Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero, Expert Copywriting Strategist

Lorrie_Morgan-FerreroContinuing on with the requested copy makeovers…

This particular one was submitted to my now defunct print newsletter from a few years back, but I think it’s an excellent demonstration of how little tweaks can go a long, long way towards capturing attention.

To be fair, I was only given a short blurb to work with. Still, I felt it would be easy enough to punch up the benefits with a little research. Honey is a sweet product revered by humans and animals alike. But that’s only part of the story.

You want to do your research on what appeals to your prospect and makes him or her salivate to spend money. When you get deep inside their head, your copy becomes much more personal. When there’s no connection, your prospect quickly moves on.

With that in mind, take a look at this copy makeover. The ho-hum before paragraph is somewhat educational, but it doesn’t have that oomph. The update opens with a hook and then goes on to reveal the benefits.

BEFORE: Stoney Mountain Honey is pure, natural and unfiltered. Honey is filled with many beneficial health benefits. You get great tasting honey, unpasteurized, unprocessed but filtered for purity. An ancient remedy that remains as powerful today when not heated and processed. Produced in limited supply each season.

AFTER: Did you know honey not only tastes delicious but can be used as an anti-fungal, anti-bacterial, and antioxidant agent? Hi, I’m Chris Dodge. My wife and I are beekeepers and our bees make the most delicious, unprocessed local honey on the planet. Only problem is there is a limited supply each season. We use a unique unpasteurized process that keeps our honey pure yet safe to consume in its most natural state. Get some today –while supplies last!

ACTION TIPS: When writing copy . . .

  • Research the benefits. You have billions of pages available at your fingertips so don’t be afraid to dig.
  • Even short stories catch people’s attention and imagination.
  • Be sure to have a call to action (in this case, scarcity).

Isn’t this fun? I’d love to hear your comments. Sound off below and let me know what kind of makeovers you’d like to see in the future!

Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero Signature



ABOUT LORRIE: Award-winning marketer, world-renowned copywriter and creator of “The She Factor”, Copywriting Strategist Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero of Red Hot Copy has a reputation as the top female copywriter in the info-marketing industry. Lorrie is dedicated to teaching the world it is possible to shift from the hype-filled sales to a more modern version… marketing written with authenticity, trust, and rapport. She publishes the award-winning Copywriting TNT weekly e-zine with 33,000+ subscribers. If you’re ready to jump-start your business, make more money, and have more fun in your small business, get your FREE tips now at


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